Here we are again

It's almost Session time, unbelievable! I'm still flabbergasted that yet another year has come and gone. I'm excited about Session, but I'm feeling horribly ill-prepared.

On another note, I'm also feeling particularly melancholy. It's one of those (seemingly frequent) nights where I'd rather be in a dark theater crying my eyes out over another sappy movie. I went to Chipotle and Borders to lift my spirits, but instead I felt guilty for eating out and ill-educated for not having any interest in philosophical theories.

I feel at home in my car, though. Sometimes driving is the best medicine for me. I suppose it's sad to find comfort in aimlessly wandering around the city with no direction or purpose (uh, hello metaphor for my life). But I'm at ease when I don't have a plan- at least for a couple hours here and there.

I have a profound loneliness in my life; and recently it's become more and more ubiquitous. Sometimes I feel like my loneliness is its own person, riding alongside me on my meandering journeys. I'm expecting to start talking to it soon. I'm an only child, and apparently totally unworthy of a loving boyfriend, so I'm perpetually alone. It's starting to affect me, I think. It's getting to the point that I've created alternate images of me in my head: a version of myself that is more social, more well-rounded, better-educated, and so magnetic a person that she's irresistibly lovable.